Fighting Fire with Fire
by Foolish Angel
Summary: [Oneshot] David's son is being bullied. So he goes to Suze for advice. And we all know that Suze's advice doesn't really help anyone...but causes harm. R & R


I'm still not satisfied. I have so many ideas running around in my head but none of them seem…right. But to make me feel happier I wrote a very weird oneshot…oh well.

Summary: Suze gives advice to David's pasty son on how to handle bullying but Suze's ideas aren't always…great…

Disclaimer: David…as your son is the star of the show would you like to do it?

David: Sure. Foolish-angel doesn't own anything. In fact the way her income (being zero) and her pocket money (being very little) is going she wont be able to by the rights for Mediator until she is about…3107 years old.

**Me**: Howdya arrive at that number?

David: Do you _really_ want to know?

**Me**: Not really…

On with the…er show.

_Warning: This is not like my normal writing at all!!!!!! It's the type of writing you use for 8 year olds (lol). I just couldn't help it but please do carry on reading!_

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"_Oh I'm too drunk for this-,"_

(P!nk aka Alecia Moore)

Fighting Fire with Fire

(p.s any titles for this one shot? I can't think of any)

Elliot wasn't a happy bunny. Sure he was extremely bright for his age of 10 years, 3 months and 25 days but he was short, pale and covered with freckles from head to toe.

Literally.

His unhappiness wasn't because of this. Not because he had red hair and translucent skin that made him look like a weak and feeble vampire.

Not because his Dad was a Professor at the best university in California and was only home every 2 weeks.

Not because his Mom insisted on only eating vegetables and staying indoors so he wouldn't get sun burnt by the sun rays that only affected the most sensitive.

But…because he was being bullied.

Bullied by the brutal boys with brilliant hair.

Harvey Slater and Humphrey Turner.

Elliot wasn't bullied because he was…weird but because he had tried to befriend the two boys when they moved into Carmel and into the Mission as newbies.

_Apparently_ Harvey Slater and Humphrey Turner don't mix with 'the weird folk'.

Sadly, Elliot couldn't escape with just a couple of threats and a wedgie. In fact he _didn't _escape.

Everyday, in the temple of learning, Elliot would lose his pocket protector and have his head flushed down the toilet. Everyday Elliot would sneak into his house and use a whole bottle of 'Cherry Smelling Kid's Shampoo' and everyday when his mother would ask about it; he would just shrug and mumble an excuse.

It was becoming a quite regular fest.

One Monday morning Elliot was talking to his science club friends about the probabilities of never getting bullied.

Unfortunately for him Harvey and Humphrey heard.

"Oh look! It's the Geek!" yelled Harvey. All of Elliot's friends ran off.

"Um, what may I do for you today Harvey?" asked Elliot politely.

"Don't call your superior 'Harvey'! You will call both of us 'Your Highness',"

Yes, little boy's were quite charming.

The day passed quickly. And Elliot realised that enough…was in fact enough.

He did the most sensible thing his clever brain could think of. And that was to visit Mrs de Silva. Or Suze as she was more commonly known as.

In reality it wasn't extremely sensible at all. Suze was now a Psychologist. She dealt with the problems of middle aged people. Suze and Jesse had gotten married and had two kids. A young boy of 14 and a small girl of 12.

Elliot left his mother a note and walked towards Suze's house.

Knocking smartly, he waited nervously.

Suze opened the door. "Oh hey Elliot. Come on in,"

After pleasantries Elliot got down to business.

"Auntie Suze-," started Elliot.

He was cut off by Suze.

"Don't call me _Auntie!_ It makes me feel old," she whined. Jesse chuckled in response and Connor, her son, muttered something incoherent.

"Um ok. Sorry. Well…I'm getting bullied so what do I do?"

Chirping birds could be heard. Suze's eyes started to fire up. Jesse hastily started to calm her.

"I see," she smiled. Suze was going into Psychologist mode.

"Well Elliot. If I were about 20 years younger I would tell you to punch the living hell out of them _but _I'm not. So have you tried to talk to them? Calmly and told them about how you feel?"

Elliot shook his head.

"Well there you go!" cheered Suze.

Elliot walked home happily and thanked God for bringing his Grandma Helen and Grandpa Andy together bringing Suze in the process.

The next morning the following happened.

"Hey Geek!" Elliot gulped. He was going to talk to them.

"Hello. May I speak with you both for a moment?" asked Elliot.

Humphrey nodded beckoning him to go on.

"Well, I'm sure that you both have…good intentions but the way you both of been treating me has been saddening me. I'm sure you didn't mean it so could you both please stop?" Elliot shifted from one foot to the other.

Harvey and Humphrey looked at each other.

"Nope," grinned Harvey.

Elliot went home that day with wet hair, lipstick on his face and his pocket protector smashed to bits. He went home to shower and went out on a journey.

Sighing he re-did his mistake.

He went to visit Auntie Suze…again.

This time Jesse opened the door.

"Oh, hello Elliot," smiled Jesse.

Elliot walked in and sat down. Suze walked out of the kitchen and sat opposite him.

"Well what's wrong?" asked Suze.

"I talked to them…and they still didn't stop," he whispered.

"Who are these people anyway?"

"Harvey Slater and Humphrey Turner," said Elliot. Suze promptly fell into a heap of giggles.

"Harvey _Slater?_" she carried on laughing.

Jesse eyes turned dark.

"Slater? Well, do you want me to talk to his dad?" asked Suze.

"No!" he shouted. "Please…don't,"

Suze nodded uncertainly.

"Well…in that case were going to fight fire…with fire," said Suze dramatically.

"Were gonna set them on fire? Cool!" said Elliot.

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Suze had taught Elliot the basics. True, he was no natural. Elliot managed to punch himself and knock himself unconscious. But in the end Elliot managed to gain control over his punches and kicks and was able to deliver some swift moves.

He went to school the next day ready to show the bullies what he was made of if they tried to do what they usually did. And they did do what they usually did.

So Elliot, taking in a breath, punched hard. Humphrey stood shocked. Elliot sent another punch, straight for Harvey's gut. Elliot was finally getting some justice.

Or so he thought…

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"Hi David!" said Suze, over the phone.

"Hello Suze. What's going on?" David asked.

"Weeeeeell…Elliot'sInHospital," Suze said in a rush.

"Excuse me?"

"Elliot's in hospital,"

"WHAT?" yelled David. "How is he?"

"He's stable but he has 6 broken ribs, a cracked head, a broken nose, a twisted wrist and a mutated toe," said Suze.

"How did it happen?" asked David.

"He…uh…followed some bad advice. Please don't kill me,"

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Well…that was weird. With no real plot and no point in writing…LOL…Suze said "Please don't kill me" because David is quite protective of his son and David, being a man and younger, can hurt Suze in more ways that she knows.

**PLEASE REVIEW !!!!!!!!** you know…flames, criticism, "I-**Hate-You**-So-Much" messages but please? **Anything**?

x-foolish-angel-x

p.s) This is the last thing I will probably write…for about 6 months. I wrote this about 2 months ago…so yeah.. XD…I'm giving up writing. Instead I'm going to become a reviewer…joy.


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